Look What The Cat Dragged In

DUDO'S CATCH.

Monday morning, while I was shaving, San Geraldo called to me from down the hall, "Mitchell, you've got to come and see something really disgusting."

I thought, 'Now, why would I want to do that?'

But we've been together nearly 31 years, and I know that Jerry knows that if it's truly disgusting I won't want to see it and he won't try and show it to me. So, I wondered what it could be. I also figured it probably wasn't really all that disgusting. (If it's anything really awful, San Geraldo gets the dry heaves.)

I walked down the hall to find Jerry standing in his bathroom pointing at the sink where something was lying wet and lifeless. There was an ugly yellow mass squirting from what appeared to be its head and it had one dead-and-staring black eye. It resembled a large, peeled, mushy, partially chewed shrimp. I had no idea where the cats could have found it.

"Ech!" I said. "What is that?"

THE PUBLIC MARKET SATURDAY MORNING.
NOTICE THE RESEMBLANCE?

Then I looked again and realized the dead black eye appeared to be made of felt. The yellow brain matter looked more like a wet feather. The white pulp was nothing more than wet cotton batting. It was the new 75-cent mouse I had picked up for the cats last Friday. Within 15 minutes, Dudo had pulled off its tail and ripped open a seam, pulling out most of the stuffing. (I immediately understood why it only cost 75 cents.) I guess Dudo finally decided it was too tough to eat and needed to soak a bit.

THE GREAT BLACK-AND-WHITE HUNTER.

When Dudo saw me standing there, he jumped up on the counter and grabbed the mouse by a loose bit of thread and carried it down to the floor placing it at my feet. He looked up at me proudly — waiting for me to play fetch. I'm so glad he's an indoor cat.

DUDO'S LITTLE PINK MOUSE-SHRIMP WAS MUCH MORE APPETIZING.